This is what I get for typing 4 pages on notepad...

8.2.2003
Questions of Christianity
i'll try to keep it into a two person debate dialogue, and it will inevitably sound crummy since I have never tried this before, and it has been a while since I read any of Plato and the Republic

So I've been having some thoughts on religion, says one
Really? replies the other, who, in this case, is my subject of defense
Yes, as a matter of fact, would you answer my questions?
Sure
So this diety of Christianity,
Yes,
'He' is suppose to be perfect, right?
Yes,
And this He gave his creations, us, a free will, correct?
Yes,
So we have a free will and can do whatever we want, right?
Yeah,
But this He knows what we will do
Yeah?
So how is it that we have a free will when someone else already knows what we are going to do?
He gave a free will but at once He is omniscient,
That was what I said, but how does that work? one asks
You can not question Him, the other declares emphatically, for He exist outside of time, one of His creations, and is therefore outside of it
But it doesn't work out, it's not logical
Logic is also one of His creations, so it does not necessarily apply to Him either
So he exist out side of any criticism?
In a sense, yes
How is that?
It is just that He created all, and thus he is the creator, not the creation which is subject to the laws and nature and logic of the creation it self, in a sense, God did not create Him self, but He created us
That's confusing, one sighs in exhaustion
That's okay, you'll get it eventually, the other reasures compassionately
A pause stops by
Okay, one continues again, now with a new thought,
yes
If such a God is outside it all, and there is no way to question him, than how is this 'He' any different than any other deity man makes up? one comes to the point
The Holy Bible, the other reply without hesitation
What else? an eyebrow raises in a sketpical glance
Isn't that enough? the other defends with a questioning tone used when one confronts with the nonsensical, not unlike a "duh" esque quality
It is a book; a book written by man, one begins
But inspired by God, the other points out
Claimed by man that he was inspired by some unseen superior being, one corrects
No, it is inspired by God and only God himself,
But how would one know that?
Because I know, I feel it
That's it?
What you can't feel does not mean it does not exist
True, but what one can feel does not mean it exist either
That is also true, it merely requires faith, the same faith you need when you read a history book, like the Bible, which is like any other history books
Yes, but like history books, it is written by someone who is prone to myopia and plague to be biased, one sided argument
But it is the Word of God, it can not be false nor riddled with errors
With the utmost respect, that is dogmatic doubletalk, "what the Bible says is true because God said so, and what God says is true because the Bible said so," such circular argument could be applied to anything real or madeup, any kid could claim just as easily that s/he's imaginary friend exist because s/he said so, and that s/he is telling the truth because the imaginary friend said so
It is unkind to speak so rudely at God and his Words
Sorry, I did not mean to insult, but such questions must be raised if one is to truely believe in anything
I am not hurt, but to answer your question, there are many documents that backs up the Words of the Bible
Yes, and how many of them are independent of the Bible? how many of them wrote about the samething but was not derived from the Bible?
There are many, just go search for it and you will find some
Fine, I will,
Good
But it still does not make sense, you claim that you God is perfect?
Yes, of course
And that your God wants all our love and respect and loyalty?
Yes, God loves us and wishes us to return it
Than why does not this God simply reveal Himself and show us His presence?
He does, do you not see the miracles of life?
That is still more doubletalk, life has proven to be anything but miracle, it is but a function of chemical reactions and electrical impulses, the more science discovers of life, the more lifeless life gets
But that is because science has not discovered the soul
And what is the soul?
The soul is us, our true form, in which we will ultimately return to God in, unless we are disillusioned and sway from the True path
The soul cannot be proved nor disproved, simply another aspect of faith
Whatever you want to think of it
In anycase, back to God's love
Yes, back to God's love
Do you believe that God wants love?
Yes,
But isn't that really just your wanting of someone superior to want what you want? which is love?
I do not understand
Is not the concept of your God wanting love merely a projection of your own want of love?
No...
How could you believe in an entity that is perfect yet wants love?
What is your point?
You want love because you are not perfect, because you are deficient in someway and need someone there to help you out through your rough times, someone there to understand you and listen to the troubles and stress you had to go through, is that not true?
I see where you are going with this, but God is not deficient
But He must be if He truely "wants" love, or for that matter, if He "wants" anything at all
..
You see, the state of wanting is a state of discontentment, if one is discontent with one's life or current situation, one would wish for a better state of fullfillment, of satisfaction; if your God wants love, than it is only logical to presume that He is dificient and imperfect
But God is outside of logic, remember that
More double talk


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/* So really, this debate ends in a stalemate, one must believe in a God in order..to.. believe in such a God. Or one must have the need to believe, such as a disaster, a calamity, and why? Because one is ill prepared for such a catastophy really. When someone close or in one's family dies, one, who is previously a disbeliever, may turn to God or gods for answers and salvation, this is because the death of that someone was a link to him or her and can be thought of as a pillar that supports his illusion of life, happiness, and freedom blah blah blah; when that someone dies, s/he will knock down that pillar and thus the person still alive will seek help to sustain his illusion.

This illusion will be further explored and dis/proved next time. But until then, this is as much as I can offer.

"Perpetual Transit"

Ah what the hell, I'll do another one here.

Today today, each day i have--
nevermind, I just remember that today, in english ap, the teacher brought out an example in the sample taks test--or one of those irrevelant tangents. In any case, she read it and my ears perked when I heard the phrase "perpetual transit", mind you this example is written in class, it's not the best, but it's darn good by my standards, which may be high to some (class mates) but not to any one professional, I should hope. Back from the interruption, she was reading this short, three sentence essay that was instructed to be filled outside of the answer box, as in starting from inside and than flood out to give, at least, the illusion of actual work done in response to the test. Well anyway, I quoted the "perpetual transit" because when she read it and I looked up, I thought to my self, I wouldn't have thought like that, as in I wouldn't have been able to juxtapose those two words together in the short time given to write the answers. Anytimes this happens, I would simply be amazed and think of my inferority of compositing words and phrases on the fly against others' superiority of revising sentences endlessly for perfection, which is highly distorted and rather pessimestic, I know. Than after that there was a quote which blended perfectly "liquidly" with the sentence, which she emphasized and such. Than the next sentence proceed to explain the quote in a manner I was all too familiar with and was rather disappointed that whoever wrote the example didn't make up some fantastic new way of elucidation, learning me nothing new. As the teacher moved on to a different subject, I began to analyze the hand writing and thought, that's awfully neat, and thought could it be Allen? Who was one of the 5 male students in our class of 20+some, who was supposed to have neat handwriting. Than I thought, it's not really neat, but it looks sort of familiar... than it hit me. That was me up there. Just that the "perpetual transit" didn't strike to me as something that I would have written. Which sparks the reoccuring idea that my language skill is deterriating, as I am constantly pulling up essays written years before and marvel at the sheer enginueity(no idea how to spell that) of the style of writing and the meticulousness. I shall link one of my stories, or one chapter of the many failed stories, tomorrow for further analyzation.

Ah yes, it releaves me mind greatly to have stored what was only in my mind to the electromagnetics of this machine, tho it is more crude than the electro-impulses of the source. But in any case, I believe my mind has spoken, and that now I shall go to bed and sleep. It's only 8:30pm now, but damn am I tired.

Good night non-listening world, I shall cease to exist soon, and may you rest in pease.

It must be allergy season, I've been having sinus trouble for the past few days. This also means I've stopped taking preventive medicine for it. But being, as it seems, that it's been a while since I've updated this public diary---which is, obviously, open to the public though no one actually looks in, not that I can tell the difference anyway---I decide to spend the precious few minutes of the day to... do.. so.
Scanning what I've written so far, I realized how long and drab it all is, plus there is no debate within my self, it's just regergitating of the outcome of such debates.

So now I decide to do an actual self debate.
...what shall I debate about? perhaps that should be debate? or maybe whether i should capitalize letters in this debate so as to conform with standard english grammar and pay respect to where respect is generally accepted due.Well I won't spend too much time bullshiting about this, I got another ten minutes or so before bed, which will be a welcome rest since I haven't been sleeping too much lately and my jar is poping everything time I bite or chew as the consequence. Which I don't know why since it doesn't make any sense to me as far as I know.

In any case, I suppose I'll just be reminiscient(sp?) of the present moment. Why am I even wasting my time to fill up the server with my vomiting text? I guess, it's b/c of a sense of guilt or pleasure of accomplishment in succeeding in continuing something constantly, if not at a somewhat closely spaced sporatic pace. Which isn't exactly what I would call a philosophical debate, more like a psychological self-analyzation. Which reminds me that I want to take Psychology AP next year, my senior year in highschool.

ah crap, I just forgot what I was going to write.

oh well, so here's a poem from an awesome anime that all must see if you have not already seen it:

"Not knowing I am pillowed among the crags on Kamo Mountain, my wife must still be waiting for my return.
Today, today! Each day I have waited for you, and now do they not say you are strewn with the shells of Ishi River.
Love is simply a sad lament. I sing to the clouds as they pass the Ishi River."

Oh well, I was going to write something about how inefficient NASA is, from my mother's perspective as a software engineer contractor for Lockheed Martin a few years back, where, in her department, only she and two others actualldy did anything out of 50 people or so. And that since NASA is government funded, people are rather relaxed there. Plus since they have a certain quota of different races to hire, they hire extras to fill that quota even tho most of them, or just some, doesn't even qualify. Which is rather sad and depressing, since they are burning up tax money for nothing.

oh well, got more history to do, stupid history, doom to be repeated anyway....

sorry to whoever's reading this, no update, apparently I'm just not mad enough at the world for being indulgent to their primitive drives, blah

made the first attempt to ressurect my site tho, http://plasmahawk.universemakers.com/
my pictures are all here tho: http://plasmahawk.universemakers.com/sketches

I'll update more tomorrow, I promise, not,
whatever happens happens, karma